Memphis started to call David a nigger. Not to his face, to Cody. What he said was “Dude, David’s a nigg-” then stopped himself. Unsurprisingly, Cody didn’t seem to acknowledge what Memphis said in any way. He just continued talking.

CBS has released a statement, its the image for this post, saying they enhanced the audio and played the scene back different ways and determined a “racial epithet was not said or uttered.” This is bullshit. Memphis gets to stay in the house because “nigg” is technically not a racial slur. I’m not surprised CBS doesn’t want to evict Memphis. All reality TV shows need a villain. It doesn’t matter if that villain is a racist.

Am I surprised Memphis started to call David a nigger? No. Honestly, I’m wondering if this is even the first time he did it.

Am I surprised Cody didn’t react to Memphis attempting to call David a nigger? No. Cody is a douchebag piece of shit and likely always will be.

Am I surprised CBS is allowing a raging racist to stay in the Big Brother house? No. The network seemingly has racist tendencies and probably thinks this “drama” will be good for ratings. By the way television networks, the racism and microaggressions Black people experience on an almost daily basis isn’t entertainment, it’s racial trauma.

You know what I am surprised by? That I watched Big Brother tonight.

It makes me sick that Da’Vonne, David and Kevin have to share a dining room table, a shower and a living space with a racist. But I also want to support them, mostly Da’Vonne. She deserves that after the hell these racist people and CBS have put her through.

So for now, I’ve made the decision to continue watching the show. Once Day, David and Kevin are evicted, I’ll reevaluate. I don’t want to add to the ratings of a network who uplifts white supremacy.

For the white people reading this, I want you to know something. I’ve watched Big Brother for the last seven years and that entire time, I’ve watched Black people and other people of color be the first ones evicted. I’ve watched countless microaggressions, seen one white man call David a nigger, one white man start to and one white woman call her healthcare “nigger insurance.”

I show that I love for the game play, the chess moves, the manipulation and the betrayal has been mostly ruined for me by racism and white supremacy. This is what it’s like to be Black. Almost everything in your world conjures up white supremacy, white privilege and racism.

As Amanda Seales said, I can’t think about ice cream without thinking about Botham Jean (and that racist ice cream truck song). I can’t think about Skittles without thinking about Trayvon Martin.

I can’t think about Super Soakers without thinking about Tamir Rice.

I can’t lay my head down to sleep peacefully without thinking about Breonna Taylor.

I can’t think about Waffle House without thinking about Chikesia Clemons.

I can’t think about Starbucks without thinking about Rashon Nelson and Donte Robinson.

I can’t think about birdwatching without thinking about Christian Cooper.

I can’t think about jogging without thinking about Ahmaud Arbery.

I can’t think about looking out my window without thinking about Atatiana Jefferson.

And if you can think about these things without thinking of bloodied Black bodies, think about what an enormous privilege that is.