Tear-stained Pillow

This morning was not a good morning for me. I was overwhelmed with sadness and loneliness. I thought about how much I miss my grandmother…and how much I miss my ex.

I got up an hour later than I wanted to because it felt good to lay in bed and cry. I thought about how much I miss being touched, held and kissed by a man. I left a tear-stained pillow in my bed for the millionth time since my grandmother died.

I got out of bed and got on my knees and prayed. I prayed to meet a man I can spend time with and be held by. A man I can talk to. But most importantly, a man who understands what it’s like to experience soul-crushing grief.

Then I went to work. I shared some laughs with co-workers, had a good conversation with my boss, made a call to my state senator on behalf of reproductive justice and by the time I left the office, I felt a lot better.

My friend came over because my leasing office hosted a trivia night tonight. We easily beat the other team and had a lot of fun. My friend hung out for an hour after trivia and we had a great conversation. We’re building our friendship and I look forward to spending more time with her.

Then I had a great phone conversation with my bestie and now, I’m finishing up the night by watching the Olympics as I write this. Today began horribly, but it ended perfectly. I was reminded that I am very much loved. I needed that today.

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