There’s one thing I didn’t mention in my Annihilation review I’d like to discuss now. In a conversation with Lena, Cass says everyone on their mission is damaged in some way and that’s the reason they were willing to enter The Shimmer. When Lena asks Cass what happened to her, Cass reveals her daughter died of leukemia.
Cass said it’s like she’s dealing with two bereavements: she’s mourning the loss of her daughter and the person she used to be. This stayed with me because I’m only dealing with one bereavement.
I am definitely not the person I used to be, but I don’t mourn the loss of the old me. Shit, I don’t even miss her.
The old me put up with way too much shit. I worked in an environment where I was disrespected at least once a day and I put up with it for months. As soon as my grandmother died, I knew I could never go back there. Now I have a zero tolerance policy for bullshit of any kind.
The old me gave way too much to people who weren’t interested in giving anything back. Someone I thought was my friend hasn’t called or seen me since my grandmother died. I will no longer try to grow our relationship. When we were friends, I did most of the calling, making plans, etc.
I no longer have time for that. If people want to get in contact with me, they know the number. If they don’t, there’s probably a good reason for that. I’m not interested in giving anything to anyone right now. I want someone to give to me.
Not only am I not grieving the death of my old self, I think the new me is the version of myself I like the best.