Tomorrow will be my second Mother’s Day without my grandmother and it’s been kind of a shitty week.

I’ve been quarantined in my apartment all week because I got viral pink eye. There’s no medication you can take. You can use artificial tears to help your eye shed the virus, but other than that, you just have to let the virus run its course and stay away from people because viral pink eye is highly contagious. The first few days were great, but then I started missing human interaction and feeling sad and lonely.

It took me until Wednesday to realize I was also sad because Mother’s Day is coming up and the woman who mothered me is gone. As time passes, it takes longer for me to realize I’m feeling the effects of having to experience a meaningful holiday without my grandmother.

I miss my grandmother. A lot. Mother’s Day will never be a completely happy day for me again. I feel a bit guilty about this because my biological mother is still alive. And while she brought me into this world and loves me very much, she’s not the woman who raised me and taught me everything I know.

So she’ll get a call from me tomorrow of course, but my heart and thoughts will be with my grandmother.

I’m writing this post not only to express my feelings, but also to put out there that while there’s all this talk of flowers, cards and Mother’s Day brunches, there are some of us who will be sad tomorrow, who will be processing our pain. Don’t forget about us. How we feel matters too.