Because other people’s posts about their pregnancies, marriages, jobs and photos of complete and utter happiness, whether fake or not, are getting on my nerves.
I know I already said I needed to do this, but I didn’t follow through with it. Today, as I opened Facebook to yet more results of a maternity photo shoot, I realize I need to use Facebook as a place to vent, film short videos of me venting, share these blog posts and nothing more.
Seeing pictures of pregnant people particularly angers me because when I was growing up, if you’d told me I’d be unmarried and childless at 35, I’d’ve laughed in your face. I know I’m not in the right emotional state to be pregnant right now, but it doesn’t matter.
Interestingly, as I write this, I’m coming to a realization. I may not be ready for the ups and downs of pregnancy right now, but I think I may be ready to be in a relationship.
I’ve told God many times, “You took my grandmother from me, so now you have to give me something.” That something could be a career in entertainment, a man or a child. At this point, I’m hoping it’s a man. I miss having someone rub my back. I miss having someone hold me and kiss me.
I’ve done my due diligence, God. I’ve gone speed dating, I’ve dated outside of my comfort zone, I’ve met men online and in person and I’ve compromised til I was blue in the face. Where. Is. My. Husband?? I’ve done enough, Lord. You owe me. Now, it’s time to pay up.
On the blog I had before this one, I wrote several times about my desire to be married and have children. Some ignorant asshole I met on OkCupid read one of these posts, then tried to tell me I was just succumbing to the pressures American society places on women.
First of all dumbass, as you identify as a male, don’t EVER pretend to know more about being a woman than, you guessed it, an ACTUAL WOMAN! For the men reading this, you’d be surprised how often this happens. Secondly, I won’t be naïve and pretend society’s expectations of me aren’t part of the reason I want a husband and children. But most of the reason I want a husband and children is…I want to have a husband and children.
I want a life partner. I want to carry a life inside of me and push that life out of me into this world. Not only do I want to be a mother, I want to be a grandmother. I want to pour everything my grandmother poured into me into my children and grandchildren.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, but, at this moment, I do know if I never get married or have a daughter, I’m going to be seriously pissed.