The Anniversary

Today is the anniversary of my grandmother’s death. My day wasn’t great, but it wasn’t as horrible as I thought it was going to be. I guess that means I’m healing.

I had a terrible bout of nausea last night. It may have been something I ate or drank, but I’m pretty sure it was caused by grief. When my grandmother first died, I got nauseous so much I wondered if I was pregnant, I wasn’t. Then I looked up physical effects of grief and saw nausea on the list.

Gastrointestinal issues, as a category, is also on the list. I had a lot of stomach issues in the first few months after my grandmother’s death and my stomach felt weird this morning, but I felt better after I ate.

I read over the program from my grandmother’s funeral again and cried. I listened to “Don’t Cry,” a beautiful song by CeCe and BeBe Winans, and cried. But I haven’t cried since.

Even though I didn’t spend this entire day in tears, I’m glad I decided to take the day off. It allowed me to stay in bed longer than usual for a weekday and ease into the day I’ve dreaded since my grandmother died.

I spent some time with a friend today and that really helped. We were supposed to go to the Atlanta Botanical Gardens, which I thought would be a great way to remember my grandmother since she planted flowers religiously every spring, but it was closed today, so we took her son to the zoo instead. Below is a video from our visit.

I’m not sure why I’m not as sad today as I expected I’d be. I also don’t know if grief is going to hit me like a ton of bricks later this week like it did last week. At any rate, I’d still appreciate being kept in your prayers if you’re so inclined.

Here is that video I promised you.

 

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