My God, I can’t believe my grandmother’s been gone for six months. That means in only six more months, it will be the anniversary of her death, something I am in no way prepared for.
I still get angry/enraged a lot. I’m staying away from people that trigger me. That helps.
Otherwise, I’m doing ok. I’m not dreading my birthday anymore so that’s good. I read this in Christina Meadowcroft’s latest blog post, and it really helped me: “Starting right now, release that control to the Universe. Live for You. Don’t wait for something or someone, live life. It’s so beautiful when you allow yourself to fully experience it!”
Last night, I was getting down on myself about being single and wondering if I’d ever meet someone that made me feel as happy and safe as my ex did. Then I read the above quote and realized life is too short for me to spend so much time worrying about meeting someone. If I meet someone, great. If I don’t, I’ll still have a beautiful, glorious life. I needed to be reminded of that.
As I heal from the devastating loss of my grandmother, I know there will be more dark days. But I also know I’m going to survive this loss because I am strong and powerful. I recently heard Kris Jenner say on Janet Mock’s podcast, Never Before, strength is earned. Well, if I’ve done nothing else in this world, I’ve earned my strength. And no one can take that away from me. Knowing I’ve earned my strength has made me even more confident and even more accepting of the woman I am.
I’m excited to turn 35. I aim to make the year I’m 35 the greatest year of my life. I want it to be the year a lot of my dreams come true. So it’s time to get to work.
P.S. Below is the Korean R&B I listened to on repeat for an hour today. It’s amazing. Get into it. You’ll thank me.