I’m Feeling It

As I’ve told all of you, the anniversary of my grandmother’s death is on Monday, and the grief is hitting me hard. This morning, it was a real struggle to get dressed. That hasn’t happened to me in months.

I was in the bathroom, just sitting there. I had to literally will myself to brush my teeth and wash up so I could get dressed for work.

I cried while I was in the bathroom too. I cried in my bathroom a lot in the early months after my grandmother’s death.

I’m not just sad, I’m really angry too. This guy who is obnoxious day in and day out said something blatantly wrong about our (America’s) criminal justice system today and I corrected him. Then he tried to argue with me as if I haven’t spent many days visiting clients in jail and defending them in court.

I responded by telling him there were several criminal defense attorneys in the room with him and he shouldn’t speak about things he didn’t know about. I was told he muttered under his breath, “Anyone who feels the need to be a bigshot in this room must have issues in their personal life.”

Ok, number one, he never would have said that loud enough for me to hear because he didn’t want to get slapped down again. Secondly, you are the one who feels the need to be a bigshot. You invite yourself into other people’s conversations incessantly, answer questions no one asked you and think you’re the only one who knows anything.

So what’s going on in your personal life, huh? The most important person in my life died almost a year ago, what’s your excuse?

Also, someone, as people are wont to do, tried to deny an obviously racist incident on Twitter was racist. Normally, I would point out this person didn’t want to see racism where it so clearly existed. Today I wanted to respond by telling this woman, “You’re a stupid bitch.” I usually like to refrain from calling women bitches unless there are particularly egregious circumstances, so when this was my first response, I knew I was in a bad place.

As I’ve also told y’all, I’m taking Monday off, so I’m just going to try to stay away from most people until then. Hopefully, no one will get hurt. Wish me luck and if you’re so inclined, please keep me in your prayers.

 

P.S. I went on Bumble last night, just to see if I’d match with anyone. I did, and I talked to one of the guys I matched with for a little while. As I was responding to him, I thought, “It’s exhausting me to continually reply to this person.” I’m just not feeling dating right now. I was going to try to give it a go, but now is clearly not the time. Maybe I’ll attempt it again next month.

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