I’m feeling really low tonight.
I had a great day. I really did. I unexpectedly reconnected with an old friend. We caught up, laughed and had a great conversation.
Then, shortly before 9pm, something bad happened. I don’t feel like going into details.
When the bad thing happened, I was in shock in first. Then I was telling my cousin about it and I completely broke down.
Through tears, I said, “How much more am I expected to take?! My grandmother died! Can’t everything else just go right?”
“I paid,” I said to my cousin. And it’s true. I have paid with my pain and suffering. God and the universe owe me.
I have to work so hard to find even a speck of joy in my life. And almost every time I find that speck, my life goes to shit shortly thereafter. I’m sick and tired of it.
I worked so hard to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Today, I was happy without restraint. For my reward, life kicked me in the face.
At times like this, I feel like I suck at life. Like I’m just doing life completely wrong. Like there was something I was supposed to learn along the way that I didn’t. I’m 35. I should have my shit more together than this.
Do you ever feel like this?
And I was just saying today that I have my shit together. That was my first mistake.