Even When You Think…

you’re ok, grief is still right there, lurking in the shadows. I’ve been exhausted due to grief all day and most of the weekend.

It’s 3:17pm and I’m still in bed. I’m writing this to all of you, but nevertheless, I’m still in bed. I wanted to use my day off to be productive and do my taxes, but I don’t feel like doing anything.

I haven’t felt like doing anything for awhile now, which is a particularly great shame today because it is absolutely beautiful outside. I should be out on an outdoor patio somewhere, eating and finishing An American Marriage. But I don’t feel like going outside.

I haven’t even had much interest in watching TV, which is unusual because I love TV. I planned on binge-watching a bunch of shows during this long weekend, but my DVR still sits at 75% full, taunting me. My appetite has returned though, so that’s something.

Grieving my grandmother’s death is my first experience with real depression, so all of this not wanting to do anything, even go outside, or not having an appetite, for multiple days is new to me. If you have any suggestions that may help my mood, feel free to leave them in the comments.

I no longer have to write in this blog every day, but it seems I still have a lot to say. I hope all of you will stick with me as I continue on my journey to put myself back together again. I know the pieces will never fit together in the same way, but at least I’ll feel whole.

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