I had a horrific day today. It’s a little over two months until the anniversary of my grandmother’s death, and even though I’m not actively thinking about it all the time, my body knows it’s coming.

I’m exhausted a lot of the time, I don’t feel like doing anything, I even think my mind isn’t functioning as well. I can also feel my grief just sitting in my body.

I had therapy today, which usually really helps, but today I don’t feel like it did much.

What really helped me was talking to my cousin this morning. I completely broke down and started sobbing on the phone. Once I got my heartbreak and tears out, I no longer felt the “sick feeling” my grief had been causing for the last week and a half.

I realized I had been holding in more than I thought. I have to gather myself so I can go to work, but as my cousin said this morning, I haven’t been decompressing/letting everything out when I get home. I’m going to start doing that more.

A friend invited me over for dinner tonight when I told her I was having a rough time. I had a great conversation with her and her husband and played with their young son. It really helped. It’s nice to have somewhere to go to get a hug when you need one.

Here’s hoping I feel better emotionally, and physically, tomorrow.