Last night was really hard for me, in part, because I watched This Is Us and the episode really sent me over the edge. Like, I was lying on my bed sobbing. Honestly, I may have to stop watching the show. It’s just too triggering for someone who lost the person that was her entire world eight months ago. Last night was also hard for me because it was eight months since my grandmother passed, as all of you know.
So I told someone this morning yesterday was a hard day for me because it was eight months since my grandmother died and that means the anniversary is coming up and I’m not even remotely prepared for that. He literally said, “You gotta get over that.”
I said, “What did you just say to me?”
He said, “I know that’s Moms but…”
I interrupted him, put my hand up and said, “Do not speak to me like that. Just because you grieve differently than I do (both of his parents have passed), that doesn’t mean you get to tell me how to feel because you have NO IDEA what I’m going through.”
He looked at me with a shocked expression, put both hands in the air and said, “Ok, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
You know what? Keep. Your. Damn. Sorry. Oh and BTW, I’m never speaking to you again. Oh and lastly, you’re a trash human being.
I recognize people tell other people to “get over things” because they’re uncomfortable with someone showing so much emotion in front of them because they don’t want to deal with the emotions they’re suppressing/running from. But that is NO excuse to dismiss how someone feels. Please, if you take nothing else from this blog, DO NOT EVER TELL SOMEONE TO “GET OVER IT” regarding the loss of a loved one or anything else for that matter. It’s not your place.
If that wasn’t enough, someone else tried to pick a fight with me by accusing me of trying to make her look bad in front of others, which is preposterous because that’s not who I am. If I have something negative to say to you, I’ll say it in private. I was really proud of myself because I apologized for hurting this person’s feelings and moved on. By that I mean, I told her there was no reason for us to ever speak again. She’s disrespected me in the past and I see no reason to continue to engage with her. Now that my grandmother’s gone, I don’t deal with people I don’t like. Period.
Honestly, the situation helped me understand a conflict I had with someone in the past, so I’m actually glad it happened. Basically, the person who tried to pick a fight with me today did so because she didn’t trust my intentions and therefore, me. I’ve had conflict with someone in the past because I didn’t trust her or her intentions. So even when she claimed her comments were innocent or that she didn’t mean to hurt me with her actions, I didn’t believe her.
What I realize is that in the beginning of a relationship, a friendship or a romantic one, if you do something that fractures the bond of a trust, even a tiny bit, that fracture is difficult to repair. And even if you do repair it, the outline of the crack is visible, always reminding the offended party of what happened.
So what’s the lesson here? The lesson is be careful what you do and say to other people. Of course you will, hopefully unintentionally, offend/hurt others’ feelings. If you do, immediately apologize and determine if the relationship is worth saving. If it’s not, move on as quickly as possible. If it is, try as hard as you can to mend what’s been broken and hopefully, your relationship will become stronger because it’s been tested and survived.
When my grandmother died, I said I was no longer the person I once was and I’m not. I don’t entertain bullshit of any kind and I’ve matured A LOT. I’m really proud of that. I’m sure my grandmother is too.