You Are Not Alone

I believe God often puts people in your path when you need them. It’s God’s way of saying, “I’m always with you, I always love you and I will always protect you.” God, and I believe my grandmother, put someone in my path today.

Before I tell you what happened to me today, I need to explain Mary O’s concept of synchronicities to those of you that aren’t familiar with it. Mary O is a psychic who does not believe in coincidences. I don’t either. If you’re somewhere and someone else is there who has something in common with you, that’s not an accident. It means that you are where you’re supposed to be at that moment. The more unlikely the commonality, the greater the synchronicity. For example, if I go to the store here in Georgia and run into someone who is also from Pennsylvania, that wasn’t expected, but it’s not astronomically unlikely. If I go somewhere and run into someone with the same birthday, that’s much more unlikely and is a greater sign that I’m exactly where I need to be at that moment, and I’m on the path I’m supposed to be on in life.

So today I took my car to the shop and when I went inside, there was an older Black woman sitting there waiting to find out what repairs her car needed. I sat near her and proceeded to finish eating my lunch. I hear my mechanic call this woman’s name and tell her what the problem is with her vehicle. This woman has the same name I’ve chosen for my future daughter. I immediately thought, Synchronicity! I’m not going to tell you all the name to protect this woman’s privacy and because I don’t want any of you stealing my baby name! Haha!

I turned to this woman and told her the significance her name had to me and she told she was named after her grandmother. Then she said she was everything to her grandmother and her grandmother was everything to her. As soon as she said this, I knew God, and my grandmother, had placed her in my path.

I responded by saying I feel the exact same way about my grandmother and told her my grandmother passed away four months ago. She said she knew how I felt and that she was devastated when her grandmother died. I told her that’s exactly how I feel. Devastated.

I told her I feel so, she interrupted and said, “You feel alone.” I said, “Yes. I do. When my grandmother died, I felt like I lost my anchor in the world.” She said she knew the feeling.

Then she told me, “God doesn’t take anything away from us that we need that [God] doesn’t replace.”

When she said that, I thought, What is the replacement? Is it an entertainment career? Is it a husband? Is it me? Is it this woman?

As time has passed, I am starting to become more of an anchor for myself, but I believe another anchor is coming.

As my conversation continued with this woman, she, or rather God/my grandmother speaking through her, answered so many questions that have been swirling around in my head. She told me that her husband passed away 8 years ago. I asked her how she makes it through a second loss of someone so close to her. She told me she just takes it day by day, and that she tries to remember the good times. She also told me that grief is not easy, you will feel grief-stricken for quite some time and no one knows exactly how you feel, but somehow, you make it.

Her husband passed away two days after her birthday and eight years later, she still doesn’t really celebrate her birthday. That led me to ask her about something that’s been weighing on me lately. I told her how every time I’ve felt “happy” since my grandmother passed away, I immediately feel it’s too soon for me to be feeling happy. Then I feel guilty instead of happy.

She told me my grandmother would want me to be happy. She said, “She wouldn’t have done everything for you that she did if she didn’t want you to be happy.”

As the conversation went on, this kind woman asked me if I was married. I told her I wasn’t and I wasn’t sure my husband was out there. She said if I’m meant to meet him, I will. She also said she believes you can have a happy and fulfilling life without having a husband. I agreed.

She told me it’s important not to marry someone just to have a husband. I agreed again. She told me I wanted someone who shared my ambition and goals. At hearing her use the word “ambition,” I started to get chills because I’ve always said I wanted a husband who is ambitious. I touched her arm and told her I knew God and my grandmother had sent her to me. I told her that everything she was saying was exactly what I needed to hear. She told me she hears that a lot. I believe she’s helped and will help a lot of people. Maybe that’s God’s purpose for her.

I also told her I was afraid if I did meet the person I was supposed to be with soon, I wouldn’t be able to be with him because I’m in such deep grief. She said if it was the right person, I’d know.

Furthermore, she said I could still live my life and grieve. They don’t have to be two separate things.

I talked to her about how badly I want to have a daughter before asking her if she believed you could have a deep desire God doesn’t see fit to fulfill. She said yes, but then she said there are more ways to be a mother than just the “traditional” way: I could foster a child, adopt one or mother a child who happens to come into my life. I agreed with all of this, but I really want to be pregnant with and vaginally birth my daughter. That is very important to me. I hope God sees fit to give me that.

Then, this beautiful woman asked me what I was going to do for the rest of the day. I told her I was going to come home and write about my experience with her on this blog. I told her I started the blog to help me cope and how helpful it’s been to hear how some of you are dealing with the loss of a loved one.

She asked me if I’ve ever thought about writing a book. Again, I got chills. I told her I was writing a book, but I think there’s another book I’m supposed to write and her asking me that just confirmed it. I think I’m supposed to be writing the book that’s going to get me my television show. I think this woman just confirmed for me that this dream is going to come true, which makes me even more committed to my goal of writing every day. I’m considering this my writing for today. Tomorrow, I’m starting my new book.

Before she left, this woman gave me her number and a few hugs. She smelled like my grandmother. I held her hands and thanked her for everything she’d done for me.

She told me a couple times during our conversation she believes I’m going to be ok. After my talk with her, I’m starting to believe it too.

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