Today has been a shit day. I mean just absolute, complete total and utter shit. Mostly. It just got better though, so I’m thankful for that.
The shit started before I even got out of bed. Since I started this blog, I’ve talked many times about how uncomfortable unbridled grief makes people. And almost four years later, that hasn’t changed. One thing that bothered me my first go round with grief and is still bothering me during my second is how little support I’ve received from people who claim to be my “friends.” The particular situation that set me off today is there’s someone I used to work with who I met in 2014. Since I accepted his friend request on Instagram, he’s been all over my page, commenting on posts and DM’ing me. Cut to my uncle’s death. He gives me his little basic “you and your family are in our prayers” bullshit (which I highly doubt he prays, so he really should’ve said his wife’s prayers) the night my uncle died, never says another word to me about it again.
Now to paint the picture of this “friendship,” as I said, I’ve known this person for seven years, we’ve been at a Happy Hour together, he was at the last birthday party I had and he invited me to his virtual wedding last year. So I expected that he would at least check in with a “Hey, how are you holding up?” in the two and a half weeks that have passed since my uncle’s death, but he didn’t. And I was willing to let that go…until he popped up in my DMs today commenting on a funny video I posted to my Insta story.
Right now, several of you are probably thinking, “Well, why did that piss you off, Sheena?!” I’ll tell you: because since my uncle’s death, I’ve posted in my Insta story asking people for song recommendations to listen to when you’re sad, for recommendations for comedy specials and for those who asked, as I told all of you, if you want to do something, you can send me a DoorDash giftcard. This person did not respond to a single one of those posts, though he saw them all. (Those of you who are familiar with Instagram will know I know this because the Gram shows you who views you story.) Yet, the second I post something funny that has nothing to do with grief, here he is in my inbox again. Now I realize it’s because he’s a superficial person who’s only capable of discussing superficial things, which is fine, but if you can’t respond when I’m reaching out for help, keep that same energy when I’m not because I’m not interested in having people in my life who have nothing of substance to offer. Even if it’s someone I mostly communicate with online.
So when I saw his message this morning, it pissed me off and I decided to let him know if he couldn’t support me in my grief, he didn’t need to message me. He acted bewildered and said he was just responding to a video I posted. I said I was aware and that was my point. He screenshot his raggedy little “you’re in my prayers” comment and asked if there was a bar of support he should offer before responding to future posts. I said he’d had nothing to say when I asked for help and so it’s clear he has no real support to offer and should maybe just say nothing. Then he went on to say he doesn’t have DoorDash and maybe I could’ve mentioned CashApp or some other means of providing support. This pissed me off even more. So you’re admitting you saw the posts, but didn’t offer any help because of the method I mentioned?? Because it’s MY job to mention the method that’s most convenient for you when I’m the one whose uncle just died??? If you don’t get the fuck out of here! One thing I can’t stand is when people play dumb when they’re called out on something. I pointed out DoorDash has a website where they sell gift cards and that I was tired of hand holding when I’m the one that’s grieving.
He responded that I sounded entitled, like he owed me more support than he already offered. I responding by saying it wasn’t about my entitlement, but after thinking about this situation most of today, if this person claimed to be my friend, he actually did owe me more than one quick comment after the death of a family member, did he not?! The conversation ended with me telling him he was lashing out because he got his little feelings hurt and he needed to talk to a licensed mental health professional about that and wishing him the best of luck in life. He shot back that we all could benefit from a mental health pro (yeah no shit, that’s why I recommended one to you and why I’ve been seeing one for the last four years you stupid bitch), I told him goodbye and then blocked him. I didn’t curse him out or call him a single name and I’m really proud of that. I have emotionally matured a lot thanks to my therapist and I’m so incredibly grateful for that.
If that wasn’t bad enough, I had some work drama happen this afternoon that I won’t get into because I’ll be out of that environment soon, praise God!
The good thing is I’m ending this day on a positive note and hopefully, tomorrow can be a fresh start.
That’s all I’ve got for now. If you actually pray, please pray I continue to make it through this. Thanks.