Gone

This post is dedicated to the man I saw lose his life last night. I have to call him “the man” because I don’t know his name. I Googled to see if there were any news stories about what happened to him, but couldn’t find any.

I can’t stop thinking about him. I didn’t sleep well last night.

I can’t stop thinking about how one moment he was alive, the next moment he wasn’t.

He died a few yards away from a popular lounge and one of the men that worked there said, “We just saw him walking his bike in front of here.”

I can’t stop thinking about the people who ran, on both sides of the street, to help him only to find out it was too late. These people have restored my faith in humanity.

I can’t stop thinking about the older Black woman who through her tears kept saying, “Father God! Oh, Father God!” at the sight of him laying on the sidewalk.

I can’t stop thinking about how all of us, all of us Black, just kept looking at each other in an effort to process what we were seeing.

I can’t stop thinking about the EMTs and policewomen/men/GNC people who seeing a dead body on the sidewalk is nothing new to. How do they deal with seeing that night after night? Who do they talk about it with, if at all? God, I hope they’re talking to someone about it. Last night was the first, and hopefully the last, time I’ve ever seen something like that and I feel completely fucked up about it.

I can’t stop thinking about the impermanence of life.

I can’t stop wondering where this man was going. Was he going to his partner’s house? Was there someone somewhere last night wondering why he never made it home?

I got some ice cream to make me feel better, then I thought, That man will never eat ice cream again.

I can’t stop thinking about how I feel so much pain and heartbreak for someone, and the family and loved ones of someone, I didn’t even know.

But I do know this: life is too short to be unhappy. If you are unhappy about something in your life, change it now if you can. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

Seeing what I saw last night forced me to inventory my life. The only thing I need to change is the amount of time I spend writing my book. I need to write like my life depends on it.

At least I can take solace in this blog. At least some of my work is out there for anyone in the world to read.

But…blogs have domains that need to be renewed. Once I publish my book, that will endure forever. If you haven’t heard me mention it before, I also have short erotic stories on Amazon. At least I have something out there that will endure in case I never finish my book. You can find my most popular stories here.

Ok, when I just searched for my collection of short stories on Google to find the link to share with you all, I discovered some beautiful soul gave my latest short story a five-star rating. You can find that story here.

To the man who lost his life last night, I will never forget you. I will always remember what happened to you. And I will live the life I want, as much as I’m able to, in your and my grandmother’s honor.

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