My grandmother has been gone for three months today, but it feels more like three days to me. The difference is I don’t feel the bone-crushing shock, grief and pain I felt when it had actually only been three days since her death.
I still feel a cloak of sadness hanging over everything I do. Over every laugh, every smile, every walk down the sidewalk. But I’m not consumed with grief today. I didn’t break down crying and, besides pausing to celebrate Beyoncé’s birthday by watching the “Formation” video and reading about Catherine, the Duchess of Cambridge’s third pregnancy, I got dressed relatively quickly.
I still can’t think of a place to go in town to honor my grandmother. I’ll keep working on it.
I’m going through a bit of a lonely period again. I really wish I had someone to lay in bed with, stay up late talking to, kiss and cuddle. (Interestingly, Otis Redding’s “Try A Little Tenderness” came on in the coffee shop as I wrote that.) Plus, nights are going to start getting cool soon. I always want a cuddle buddy when it gets cool. #cuffingseason
What I’m most proud of today is that I’m surviving my grandmother’s death. I’ll admit, at one point, I didn’t think I would. Now I know I will.
I’m going to work on my novel as soon as I get done writing this, which I’m really excited about. I’m not sure if it’ll be my novel or making my scripted podcast that will generate enough attention to lead to me getting a television show, so I’m just going to work on the novel for now because I don’t have anyone to help me produce my podcast or the money to hire voice actors. Voice actors are important because I think they’ll make the show more interesting and I want to put out the best work I can, not just throw something together because I’m desperate for the podcast to exist.
Still not sure if I’m ever going to get married or have my daughter one day but I guess I’ll figure that out eventually.
Off to spend a couple of hours of Labor Day laboring over my novel…