As tonight was the mid-season premiere of The Walking Dead, I was going to write a piece about how much better Danai Gurira’s talents were displayed in Black Panther than The Walking Dead. But then Carl said something that stuck with me.

As many of you know, Carl has died. He was bitten by a walker. In his last moments with Michonne and Rick, he told Michonne not to be angry or sad about his death because she has to be strong for his father, Judith and herself.

Then he tells her, “Don’t carry this.” This being his death. I can’t stop thinking about this sentence.

If I had been with my grandmother when she died, is this what she would’ve said to me?

“Don’t carry this.”

Honestly, I don’t know how not to carry it. To be even more honest, I don’t want to stop carrying it. In some weird way, it feels like as long as I’m grieving, my grandmother is close to me.

Carl also told Michonne he loved her. That’s when I lost it. I wish I had gotten the chance to tell my grandmother I loved her right before she died.

I told her the last time I saw her, but I wish I could’ve told her at the end. She knows I love her and I know she loves me. And I believe, one day, we will see each other again.