So, I already wrote this post, accidentally hit something and the original disappeared. And the draft didn’t save. I say this because I’m going to say everything I said that got erased, I’m just going to be more succinct about it. Please forgive the abruptness.

I ended up in the emergency room for 8 hours on Christmas Day, so I didn’t have as much time to dwell on my grandmother’s death as I thought I would, which in the end, I think is a good thing. All of my test results came back normal, thanks be to God, but now, along with my doctor, I have to figure out a permanent medical solution for managing my hormone disorder.

My family and friends were upset I didn’t contact them while I was in the ER, but I was too worried about my test results to talk to them. I’m really glad this isn’t the year that my grandmother died and I found out I have a major health issue. But if I had found that out, I would have dealt with it, just like I’m dealing with the biggest loss of my life.

I wasn’t much in the Christmas spirit and I’m not much in the New Year’s Eve spirit either, most likely because of the death of my grandmother. My heart still feels so heavy.

I was invited to a party tonight, but I haven’t heard from the inviter today, and I’m not going to follow up with her because I don’t want to go.

Last year, I did everything I could to not spend NYE alone and I ended up spending it by myself anyway. I thought if I spent NYE alone, it meant I would be spending the next year alone. This did not happen. So this year, I’m looking forward to being on my own and having time to reflect and contemplate what I want to accomplish in the new year.

I know I definitely want to make more money. I want to finish my book. And I want to get my erotic scripted podcast off the ground. I realize I’ve never posted a link here to my erotic short stories on Amazon, so here it is. This is a link to my most popular work and my only story collection. The original edition is the first work I ever self-published. Yes, Monique Washington is my pen name.

I still feel ambivalent as far as romantic relationships are concerned. On the one hand, I would love to spend a night like tonight with someone I liked, not necessarily someone I was in a relationship with, just someone whose hand I would love to feel caressing my back. On the other hand, I still don’t feel like giving a fuck about anyone else’s feelings. It’s kind of hard to build something with someone when that’s how you feel.

But if I’m to tell all of you the God’s honest truth, all I really want for 2018 is for all of my family members and friends to survive it. I can’t take another death. I just can’t. All of my family members and friends will survive 2018. There. I’ve named it and claimed it. Now, it’s reality.

I hope you all have a wonderful and prosperous 2018. See you next year.