It’s been an incredibly emotional day for me today. I am still experiencing a flare-up of my hormone disorder so I knew I wouldn’t feel well enough to go to an MLK Day event today or participate in a community service project. So I chose to get a mini massage and a mani/pedi.
I began my day by reading MLK quotes on Twitter and listening to “Someday We’ll All Be Free” by the incomparable Donny Hathaway. (If you’ve never heard this song or the rest of Donny Hathaway’s catalog, please listen to it immediately. Donny Hathaway truly had a gift from God. He used his voice as an instrument and has one of the greatest voices I’ve ever heard.) As soon as I heard the first few notes, I just started sobbing. I was crying so hard I had difficulty catching my breath and my hands started shaking.
I suddenly felt so much emotion about Martin Luther King, Jr., how he lived and died, and my grandmother and the plight of being Black in America. I think some of my emotion stems from my disbelief of the title of the song. I’m not sure in my lifetime Black people in America will truly be free. I was also emotional because I think part of the message of the song is hold on, things are gonna get better.
That message really resonates with me because I think that is a large part of the grief process: holding on until you feel somewhat better. Some days, it’s harder to hold on.
Today was one of those days because I was really missing my grandmother. I listened to some songs from my “Grief” playlist, which I haven’t listened to in awhile. It didn’t help the sobbing.
I also think I was emotional today because I’ve been so stressed out about my health, my grandmother and conflicts at work and my body just couldn’t hold onto it anymore. It needed to release it, so it did. I even think that may be part of what the flare-up of my disorder is about. My body just wanted to get rid of everything it’s been holding on to. So it did, not caring if that release was an inconvenience or worry to me.
The massage at the salon was really nice. I actually asked for it spontaneously because there was so much tension in my body and I wanted to get rid of some of it. It felt amazing. I’ve been going to this salon for awhile so my masseuse turned my regular massage into a hot stone massage at no extra charge.
Now that I realize what (I think) my body was doing, I’ve calmed down a lot. I’ve embraced the release of everything I was holding onto and I’m going to try not to hold onto anything else for the rest of the week. I’m hoping, health-wise, I’ll be back to 100% in a week. Cross your fingers that’s what happens.
Never be afraid of your feelings or releasing them. It’s one of the best ways to keep yourself healthy.